Identifying People Who Bring You Up or Down

We have all been around people that either bring us up or bring us down. I am sure you have tried different ways to deal with a person that brings you down or in other words brings negativity into your aura. You know who they are…They always have something non-supportive to say, are crass in their words or emotions, and just seem to never want to break from a non-conducive behavior. This behavioral attitude travels to your brain and there the stress begins with a dawning of uneasiness toward the person, perhaps feeling like you would rather not spend time with them, or don’t know how to tell the person how they make you feel; or even if you should tell them how they make you feel because that may open up another whole unsettling issue. Sometimes these situations are not just singular in form (between you and one other person) but can happen in groups too. The more the merrier right? Not. But the true perspective is about how you identify these people and initiate a block of how their negative connotations affect you and your ability to remain calm and sane.

Here are some things to consider in the identification process.

First observe how you feel when the person or group of people are around you. Do you experience feel-good senses? If not, ask yourself why. Do you feel alone just being with them? Do you feel that the person or group always wants something from you or something-for-something rather than just you both enjoying or sharing in each other’s company; just being there with no expectations or demands. Are you hanging around those who get high on other people’s problems and try to draw you into it? Those who like to compete against you (i.e. You show up at an event or work in a particular new car model and on the flip side they purchase and show up in a car model they feel is better than yours; if they have it like that), those who are always judging you and on what you have a desire to do or to become. This is not a complete exemplary picture of those who can bring you down, but it can help you understand the premise of where this downward spiral may begin and how you can start the process of blocking the negative now.

On an important note, those who bring you down in a corrupt-harmful way is a definite signal that it is time to change things for better (in your favor).

Of course, people that bring you up are inspirer’s, motivators that help you succeed, give you a pat on the back, and may even assist you in your mission to be or do better in life. They are considered confidantes and may hold the same passions as you do or at least comprehend and support yours.

As a spirited person I like to think and visualize deeper into the person trying to bring me down. I think about who they really are, where they came from, what things in life may have caused them to be conditioned to think the way they do and or behave. Understand, this is not in any way telling you to follow my way of thinking. You may not be able to handle situations like these right away at a level like mine; but with time you gain the experience and patience to handle them your own unique way.

Sometimes before just tossing a negative person or group to the side it may prove wise for you to reassess the situation than react right off the cuff. In dealing with a person or group that brings you down, try not to undervalue. Look at yourself for times you may have teetered on the same path. By assessing yourself you gain an even better perspective and ideas on how to handle situations like these appropriately. If it so happens you find you cannot assuage the situation, at least you will have enough insight to slowly move away from them. In some cases, the situation or built friendship/relationship will just fizzle itself out.

We are in a world full of different personalities, histories and behavior’s and over time we should have learned how to work with the differences. Remember that we cannot always be around positive people. However, in any event, try to follow some examples I have listed below as you try to deal with conflicts whether it is one person or people that bring you down.

• Pray on the situation and the person/group first.

   (Even if it is right at that moment of interaction. Pray silently without speaking aloud verbally.)

• Be civil toward the person/group.

   (Try not to jump start in reaction, be the better person.)

• Do not play games with another person’s feelings/friendship/relationship.

  (Do not allow yourself to become like them.)

Brenda Rockward – Author, Life Skills/Life Change Coach

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